Heartbeat: Forget me not – a memorial service with a difference

January 22, 2021

2020 is a year we will remember in lots of different ways, but perhaps it will one day be looked back on as the year that made us change almost every detail of our daily lives and how we do things. A year that made us change how we interact with each other, live, work, socialise, celebrate and mourn.

Critical care, like lots of areas in our organisation, has been impacted by the devastation of Coronavirus. Learning how to adapt has been the common thread that has seen areas triumph in the face of what has undoubtedly been one of our most challenging years

Annually, critical care hosts a memorial service. 2020 was the 15th annual memorial service – families and members of the critical care bereavement team were unable to gather together and, so they hosted a memorial service with a difference. Keen to ensure the memorial went ahead, the team set about creating an event that would still allow relatives and friends a chance to reflect and feel connected to those that looked after their loved ones.

As with previous years, the event involved the chaplaincy team. It was vital to have their input to reflect the multi-faith community that they serve. Catherine Beddowes, Senior Sister, told Heartbeat: “Each year we host a memorial service. It’s an integral part of what we do outside of our work on the wards. As you would expect, we deal with some of the most challenging medical cases and, it’s imperative to us that we continue to support family and friends in the aftermath of losing a loved one.

“We recognise that we look after patients of all faiths. That is why our service must be accessible to everyone. Mourning is a process and, as a team, we seek to help grieving family and friends recognise the impact of death and celebrate the lives of those they loved through our memorial service.”

On 29 November 2020, a remote memorial service took place. Based on the theme of forget me not, it incorporated lots of special touches. Importantly, family and friends stayed at home and received a bag of forget me not seeds that once sewn will flourish into a remembrance plant. A symbol of love and memories, this small but thoughtful gesture is a sign of just how much the team care about those they look after.

Each person was asked to light a candle at home to remember their loved one and our chaplaincy team did the same. Everyone also received a memorial booklet as well as a glass love heart to be hung in windows to reflect light kindly paid for by our organ donation committee.

Reverend Mary Causer told us: “So much of this year has been about finding new ways to do things. There was no doubt in our minds that we had to host our memorial service and so we worked collaboratively to design a safe way to help support grieving families at this difficult time.

“We produced a memorial booklet that had poems and a song inside. The words seemed even more poignant this year as we’ve had to deal with how we say goodbye to our loved ones in an altogether different way – Time for us to part now, we won’t say goodbye; Look for me in the rainbows, shining in the sky.”

Catherine echoed this sentiment: “COVID-19 has made the way families say goodbye change dramatically. For those that have wanted to visit, they have had limited time to spend with the people they love so dearly and, that’s hard for families.

“This is our way of showing we still care; we are still there for families even in these strange and testing times. We are doing the best we can and, this is our small way of helping families heal.”